Pirates: awesome?

Pirates are thought to be a thing of the past. That however is not the cast of the coast of Somalia where over 30 "pirate" attacks have occured this year. These "pirates" are armed with machine guns and RPGs and have targeted unsuspecting ships in the region. I know the commonly held belief is that Pirates arrr awesome. These "pirates" of today show evidence to the contrarySome of the things stolen: Rated Aarrrrrrr DVDs, Arrrrrrrby's roast beef, and a caarrrrrrr. That wasn't even funny. That's okay because nobody reads this crap anyhow.

Point is: Pirates of the stories of olde are sweet. They used cutlasses, weapons more noble than machine guns. The cannons shot only cannonballs not grenades. The pirate was a cosmopolitan seafarer, going from port to port, and finding adventure in every day of his life. These pirates said cool things like "Shiver me Timbers," "Avast ye, matey," and "Arrrr, me harties." They also sang songs and looked an awful lot like Tim Curry and Johnny Depp. The captains wore elegant coats and hats. The crew was dirty and rough, dressed in ragged clothing.

So what happened?

Please acknowledge the difference between the modern "pirates" and the pirates we know and love of the days of yore. Do not support these Somalian "pirates." I don't think they even have beards. Come on! What's a pirate without a stylin' beard? An idiot that's what. An idiot and a criminal. No peg-legs, no eye patches, nothin'! I think the media needs to stop belittling the good name of the noble seafarer of old, the pirate by associating it with these Somolian Scalawags. So, stay out of the waters of Somalia, lest you be met with a volley of RPGs.

Perhaps rather than piracy, they could call it "unrest."

For more information on Pirates go here.

Also apparently there was a Pirate who became a Saint. (hat tip to combox of the american princess)

-Andrew